“Drowning In Endless Blue”

An author’s inflection on his experiences in the Sonic world.

By Bane Keldare

darkaura@hotmail.com

FOREWARD: “The Road Begins Here…Why?”

Who I am, where I am from, and how I even got here.

Hello. My name, as you could have guessed, is Bane Keldare. However, if you wish, you can also refer to me as Ken Grey. Ken being my real name, and Gray, for those of you in the know, is my last name here for reasons I do not wish to divulge.

I live in Richland, Washington…part of the ugly brown desert part of the state. While it’s rather dry here, the weather’s always quite perfect, because humidity ruins any weather. Winter it’s too cold, summer it’s too muggy…but here? Perfectly fine.

Back in the year 1999, I was introduced to a cartoon that, while not overwhelming life changing, managed to change my existence online. Sonic Underground, usually referred to as “Ugh…that show, “ or “Not really Sonic,” premiered. I was still in high school at the time, and had a free last period, so I was privileged enough to watch it whenever I got home. Sure, at the time, it was just background noise to my games…something to turn my attention to whenever I wasn’t blasting baddies or playing with my dog.

My interest for the show grew, because this was a period of strange growth for me. I was just now starting to appreciate good plot in games, and this show had one that was unique. The characters interacted well with each other. Robotropolis was a rather dismal, dreary city with an aristocracy. There was a prophecy, there was magic…there was…substance.

So I poked around the Internet for a while, and stumbled on SonicUnderground.net. There were forums, I joined up to them, and it took off from there.

Somewhere along the line, I decided to write a story for the small fanfiction section.

Something happened then.

Something snapped.

I turned into a writing machine. Wearing a pair of headphones, Filter pounding in my head, the stories just poured out of me like water out of a pitcher. It formed, what I thought, was my finest creation I’d ever made before. My first story was done. Sonic, Manic, and Sonia…they were all characters that I could manipulate with the stroke of a key, with the change of a word. I created my first “fan character” then, Bane. Bane, who ended up being a lost sibling of the three, changed them all into a quartet.

I laugh now. Such an overdone idea. But that’s my hubris for you. My overwhelming pride in thinking that I’m too good for it.

Then, I began The Chosen series. I know, the stories aren’t placed anywhere on the net anymore. That’s because the site’s long gone, and I never put them up on fanfiction.net. Sorry…they’re not my best anymore.

But The Chosen was my first extended story. A story told over the course of four other short stories. When I finished it, I was proud…and everyone else thought it was quite a great read.

I made friends because of that story. I made friends because they enjoyed the story, and I liked their comments so much that I started talking to them. Shayne especially. With her, so much was done. I became an admin on her boards, even given a job on her site! (Even if I didn’t do anything for fear of messing up the HTML code.)

But most of all, I had something I didn’t expect…a piece of the spotlight. Over the course of a year I wrote eight more stories after that…completing a total of fifteen. Three individual stories, and three four-chapter stories. While this was going on, there was a message board RP going on in the forums…one that all of us are really proud of. Because of that, I made even more friends, like Draco and Darkblade.

Soon after that, my life got shuffled around quite a bit. Dad got remarried to someone I didn’t particularly enjoy company with…someone I still want an apology from. Because of her, I wasn’t able to see my best friend unless I went to his house…something he didn’t like. He was ashamed of his shoddy living conditions, and I couldn’t blame him. It was this disregard that made me dislike her.

Well, after living with them, my life got shuffled around to the point where I moved in with my mom. I was still around for a while, but after a year or so, I got hooked on Anarchy Online.

That was…around when I left the fandom.

Yes. I left.

Gone.

Into thin air.

This space for rent.

The game consumed me. MMORPG’s were a plague on my life now…they were everything, while they were nothing at the same time. I wasn’t accomplishing anything, but the game made me think I was. The game made me think that I was getting something done…that I was reaching a goal. Total, complete, absolute bull.

I did some more writing, yes. Star Fox fanfics. While I liked them, they didn’t feel…right. I couldn’t explain it at the time, but now I do.

This…the Sonic fandom…this is where I belong.

But anyway…that’s my back-story. That’s how I got my start, how I ended up here. That’s how the cogs of fate began to turn.

It was one show. One damn show.

But…here I am. Right here.

Why am I writing this?

I just asked myself that, just now, believe it or not. It’s a natural question, and I figure that if I’m going to go into this heavily, that I might as well answer this right away.

The inspiration for this came from a conversation with my friend Foxmerc. Foxmerc is, right now, in the process of writing a book. A good book, mind you, with the intentions of publication.

But he’s not without his share of doubts. I’m not going to divulge any information, but let’s just say that he and I had a long chat about it. I tried to put his doubts to rest, and he just said that it was all just a big crappy whirlwind. Then he said something I carried over for the rest of the night.

He said: “This in itself could make a good book.”

Well, that thought carried with me on my nightly walk down to the store. Every night I go and get a large pop refill, because I have a horrible caffeine addiction. Well, with Vertical Horizon singing in my head…that very phrase kept on echoing in the background. And I thought: Hey, I’m writing a Sonic story right now…what would happen if I brought my inflections on it as well? I could easily fill up some three or so pages with my rambling. Maybe someone could read it and get inspiration? Maybe I’ll make even more friends because of it?

Or maybe it’ll be horribly received.

Well, nobody ever got anywhere by letting their doubts turn into apathy.

End Transmission. –Bane Keldare, March 23, 2004.